King of the World

Here is a poem from my upcoming book, “Lullabies and Legends.”

King of the World

It was late one Thursday night

Down at the Blue Light Lounge

When I walked in no one was there

But Ted, my asshole bartender

And some old biker

With a snow white beard and long gray hair

I sat down beside him and ordered up a beer

I said, “I'm Slammed-Out Sal

And I run this neighborhood

Just who the hell are you

And what are you doin' in my bar

Drinkin' my booze and breathin' my air?”

He laughed and said, “Good to meet you Sal.

I'm Knife-Nose Frank

And I'm king of the world”

Ted winked at me

I took a drink and smiled

Figured I'd have some fun with this toad

“You're tellin' me you run the whole damn world?” I asked

“Hell yea” he said, “everyplace, everywhere”

I said “I bet you're old, maybe two-hundred or more”

Three-hundred five, and a few weeks” he grinned

I took a sip of coor's and said

“You don't run it very good.

Everyone's always fighting”

He said, “You know, I like everyone

But you gotta run things with an easy hand

And people are like kids, spoiled and scrappy

They're gonna do what they're gonna do

And they're gonna play rough

A time or two

Gonna get a bloody nose every once in awhile

What can you do?”

“How come there's so many countries?” I asked

Seems like it'd be better

If we was all had one government

“I like variety. Variety is good” he smiled

“What about all these different religions?” I asked

“People are gonna think what they want to think

There's something for everyone

Freedom of religion is good,” he smiled

So what's the hardest part

Of running the whole damned world, Frank?”

“Keepin' the proper mix

Of house cats and dog people” he said

“Just what ever do you mean, Frank?” I laughed

He took a drink and grinned back at me

“Well, house cat people are curious and playful

And lots of times they get into trouble

But you gotta have them

Or no books would be written

Paintings wouldn't get painted

Nothing would get invented

And songs would 't be sung

House cat people are a little chaotic

But they do a lot of good things too

Now, dog people don't like change

And they don't invent much of anything

But they follow their masters loyally

Keep life stable, work very hard

And help countries live a long, long time

But the house cats and the dogs

Don't understand each other sometimes

Some days each one looks down on the other

Keepin' the mix even

And keepin' one from stomping the other one out

Is the hardest thing I usually do”

Knife-nose Frank stood up and stretched

Said “It's been nice talkin' to you Sal

But I've got to go

See about some riots in Uzbekistan"

I stood up too

I figured I'd follow him outside

And kick the shit out of him in the parking lot

Then Frank pulled a thousand dollar bill out of his wallet

And slapped it on the bar

He winked at Ted

“Keep the change,” he said

I looked at the money

And followed him outside

Just then a black helicopter flew overhead

And Frank swung his leg over a pure platinum V-4 chopper

When he fired it up, my heart stopped for a second

And I swear the sky moved

He nodded at me and slipped it into gear

I don't remember him leaving

But as suddenly as he was there, he was gone

My eyes were wide when I walked back in the Blue Light Lounge

Ted must have noticed the look on my face

“Do you want to keep this money for yourself?” he asked

I figured it'd be better to be safe than sorry

“No, you take it” I said,

“I think we'd better do what he wanted”

Dewey Dirks